Words of Jaded Tongues

Grief, Joy.

Sometimes grief is a comfort we grant ourselves because it’s less terrifying than trying for joy.

Nobody wants to admit that. We’d all declare that we want to be happy, if we could.

So why, then, is pain the one thing we most often hold on to? Why are slights & griefs the memories on which we choose to dwell? Is it because joy doesn’t last but grief does?

Today I realized that God has given me so much control and independence and autonomy in my life, and honestly, I think it’s because He trusts me to steward it well… Which is humbling and astonishing and exhilarating.

Placid Waters.

The past is a grotesque animal & in its eyes you see how completely wrong you can be about many things.

I had my reasons, my rationales as to why I left. It wasn’t as easy as many made it look/sound to be. You’ve evidently changed & it’s great. But have WE changed?

What we had in the past was vexing & tiring & having to go back there would be an absolute nightmare. I honestly, genuinely never thought that I still exist in your life. Now that you’re back, what am I to expect?

Love in any way blurs your vision, but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. It’s like the tide going out, revealing whatever’s been thrown away and sunk: broken bottles, old gloves, rusting pop cans, nibbled fishbodies, bones. This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes, not knowing the future. The ruin you’ve made.

Running back.

The human heart has hidden treasures, in secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, whose charms were broken if revealed.